Anguish
by Isyss Collins
Summary: Micheal has left Maria to fight a war on his home planet. Maria is left on Earth heartbroken and lonely. Will she be able to move on without him?
1. Chapter 1

Maria lay in her bed looking up at the ceiling slipping in and out of reality. How long ago had it been when she felt like her life was ending? No, wait the life she once knew had already ended, the life where she befriended a bunch of aliens, even fell in love with one. That life was over and Maria knew she was trying to hard to hold on to it, not letting it go. Life after Michael was painful. Her misery was suffocating her and she wanted to break free. The day when Michael left to fight some war he didn't need to fight; was the day when her heart was ripped from her. Would she ever get it back? Would she ever be complete without Michael? She hoped so, she hoped desperately so.  
  
"Maria!" yelled her mother from the kitchen. Maria groaned in annoyance, sometimes her mother could be so annoying. She rolled ungracefully from her perch on the bed and faltered for her sandals. Once her shoes were on she met her mom in the kitchen. "Maria, were going to a nice place for dinner, couldn't you dress up a little more?" Maria's mother said as she looked at her daughters ruffled jeans and stained tank top. Maria snorted and lunged for the fridge. While she rifled through its contents her mother began to give her a lecture about "moving on."  
  
"God, she doesn't know the half of it," she thought in response to her mother's pep talk. "OK mom, I'll dress up," Maria said, her mother smiled, she added quickly," Just know I'm not doing this for you." Francis needs all the support she can get and I'm sure she wouldn't want it from someone who looked like she'd been wearing the same outfit for a week. Maria's cousin Francis was nearly disowned from the family when she got engaged to a man who didn't make at least a million dollars a year. But finally the family relented and decided to accept their marriage. Francis's mother was still angry about the ordeal and was probably gonna give poor Francis hell reception tonight. Then again they had nearly disowned her mother when she ended up pregnant as a teenager.  
  
Maria returned to her room and worked diligently to find an outfit that would work for the wedding reception. God, Maria was so tired of wearing the same clothes and feeling the same loneliness, which had bloomed when Michael left. Exasperated, Maria flopped down on the floor. She let out her breath slowly and picked up her phone. She knew the number like the back of her hand. She heard her friends familiar voice and voiced her plea,"Oh Liz! I have my cousins wedding reception tonight and have absolutely nothing to wear! "Help!"  
  
"Be over in a few minutes, bring some things you might be able to wear, and I'll help you."  
  
"Thank you so much. You are an angel!" With that Maria broke the connection and began to pace around her room throwing clumps of clothes on her bed.  
  
(When Liz arrives)  
  
See! That looks great on you Maria!" Liz encouraged. Maria groaned, she didn't like the outfit on her, for some reason lately she had gained a lot of weight and the pounds kept on adding up. Sighing she said to her companion," Thanks, Liz. I really needed your opinion."  
  
Liz smiled and said, "That's what friends are for. Well, it looks like about time for you to go, so..."  
  
"Oh! I'll see ya Monday at school."  
  
"Um, Maria." Liz bit her bottom lip; her eyes expressed worry and  
sadness.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you want to talk about this whole Michael thing? You've seemed kinda down lately." Maria couldn't help but laugh. Liz, always the Saint, trying to solve everyone else's problems. Maria could see that Liz was torn about Max leaving. She replied, "Liz I think we both need to have a heart to heart about our. alien relations."  
  
Liz smiled and hugged her friend, "Yeah, I guess we do. Maria have a good time at the wedding reception, maybe you'll meet some cute distant cousin or something." 


	2. Chapter 2

(At the wedding) Maria took a deep whiff of her cedar oil to calm her nerves, although it did not seem to be working. God, she hated her Mom's family, it's probably why they never kept in touch. They were all so damn finicky and judgmental! They always had these grand expectations for their offspring. Probably why her mother ran off and got herself banged up, she just wanted to get away from it all. Maria stared up at the grand cathedral that probably took way too much money to rent.  
As Maria walked through the huge glass doors she was bombarded by crazy relatives. They all had these fake smiles plastered on their faces and were cooing about how long it's been and so on. But Maria rally knew that they were sizing her up seeing if she was ugly or fat, stupid or dull. She could not stand it. When she was finally able to breath again she spotted Francis. Walking over to her and the handsome groom she congratulated her cousin on the engagement. It was funny how different children could be than their parents; Francis was one of the sweetest girls she had ever met. She loved animals and regularly picked strays off the street. She had met Brian at a Vet hospital and they hit it off right away. Francis had always gushed about him to Maria and voiced concerns about her family disapproving. After talking with Francis a little the doors to the dining room were opened.  
Maria stared in awe at the inside of the dining hall. There were ice sculptures and table cloths of silk; the food looked like a work of art, something you couldn't touch just look at. There seemed to be hundreds of guests of power and importance. At each seat there was a corresponding name tag. Maria looked around for her name and inconspicuously sat down. As guests began to file in more and more people sat down. In a few minutes everyone was seated. The last person to sit was a 17 year old boy who slid in next to her. She looked him over. He was gorgeous, no doubt about that, but he screamed "rich boy" and breeding. And the way his eyes darted up and down Maria's body revealed his sleaziness.  
He gave her smile that obviously cost millions of dollars to make and said, "My, My if I had known there was gonna be such a pretty girl here I would not have been so mad about coming at all." His eyes began roaming again and Maria felt her skin crawl. What a creep!  
She gave him a fleeting smile and removed his hand from her thigh, which had stealthily climbed its way there during his introduction.  
"Hello, Ms. Deluca it's been ages!" Maria heard her too cheery, too dumb cousin say from across the table. Carmen did not even wait for an answer from Maria, before starting to babble complete substance less small- talk.  
Maria rolled her eyes and stifled a groan; she mumbled, "Nice to see you dear cousin." Carmen's mouth continued to move rapidly but Maria couldn't hear her. She had learned very well how to ignore her relatives. Maria nodded her head in agreement at times totally oblivious to what her cousin was saying. She once again began to admire the grandness of the hall, well she sure as hell didn't like her family but at least they had good taste. She returned her gaze to Carmen when and found her watching Maria expectantly for an answer to some question. Maria didn't know what to answer considering she didn't even know what Carmen had asked.  
"You know what, Carmen I'm really not feeling well. I'll have to excuse myself." With that, Maria made a quick escape out to the hallway. She needed to get some fresh air! Maria looked across the narrow hallway. Damn! This place is humongous how am I going to find my way out? She began to walk down the halls and then picked up her speed. She never saw the orderve cart when she whipped around the corner. It hit her square in the middle of the forehead. She could feel herself falling and then the world went black. 


	3. Chapter 3

Maria sat straight up. She was a bit disoriented and definitely confused about her location. Where was she? She looked around; it appeared that she was in some kind of cove overlooking the ocean. She could hear the high cry of birds and the gentle rhythm of the ocean. The great blueness of the sea stretched as far as she could see. But when she looked down at her own appearance was when she was the most surprised. She was covered in blood.  
She wore a nearly transparent white gown that probably would have looked stunning if it hadn't been covered in gore. Maria gasped and took in several unsteady breaths. Swallowing she discovered that her mouth was filled with the horrible, metallic taste of blood. Bile rose in her throat, she turned over an emptied the contents of her stomach. She felt disgusting and confused. The gown she was wearing clung to her like a second skin making it hard for her to move. But she managed to stand up and like a shaky uncoordinated new-born calf she stumbled to the edge of the ocean.  
Here, the water was clouded red by blood. Maria's brain was screaming at her to leave, to just get out. But her body didn't seem to be listening. Slowly she submerged her hands in the filthy water. When they returned to the surface they were wrapped in dark, coarse hair. Human hair. Maria felt bile rise in her throat once again but pushed it down. She took one deep shaky breath. Her hands waded in the water in the water again and once they returned all she could do was scream. The birds in the background screeched in annoyance but Maria didn't care. In her hands she held Michaels head.  
  
*********  
Maria woke screaming. Her body covered in cool perspiration. In the back of her mind she could hear someone trying to make soothing sounds, someone pressing a cool cloth against her hot forehead, but all that she could see was Michael's eyes. Michael's lifeless eyes showing none of his usual arrogance or deep sadness. When the images of Michael began to disappear Maria closed her eyes and tried to suppress deep racking sobs that were escaping from her body. Was Michael dead? Did Maria play some part in it? Or was she just going insane?  
Suddenly back to reality Maria realized someone's arms wrapped around her shaking body and someone's presence right next to hers. The person was soothing her,"Shhh, shhh, it's OK it was just a nightmare." Maria appreciated the kindness of this stranger, because she sure as hell needed it. She finally registered the fact that a complete stranger was soothing her, considering she did not recognize the deep but soft voice. Wiping her tears and trying to muster the last of her dignity she gently pushed the boy off her. His golden eyes looked down at her with concern," Are you alright?"  
Maria nodded her head vigorously in reply, "Yeah I'm, uh, fine." Now realizing the weirdness of the situation Maria became uncomfortable.  
"I'm so sorry! I just started working here last week and I'm already knocking out my customers," the boy said with a laugh as he hastily moved a safer distance away from Maria. "My dad is really not going to be happy about this. Are you sure you're OK? Do you want me to help you back to the reception?"  
Finally Maria was a lot less disoriented. Remembering the relatives she had already talked to Maria's answer was an abrupt, "NO WAY!"  
"Really hate your relatives that much? When most girls get knocked out by a guy they start running the other direction. Though of course I don't have much practice knocking out women or anything."  
Maria laughed outright. "Well, let's just say my family isn't the greatest people to hang out with. They're the typical rich "my life has to seem perfect" family, if you know what I mean. Plus," she said as she looked round at him, "I'm sure we'll have lots in common. 


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of weeks flew by for Maria. For the first time in a long time, she was truly, genuinely happy. School didn't bug her as much and work wasn't as stressful. She started to smile and laugh again, like a normal teenage girl, talking about things like hair and makeup. *WOW* what a surprise after she found out about aliens the only thing she thought she would talk about was saving her ass from the FBI. Liz also seemed to pick on the happy vibes coming off Maria, she seemed a lot less down trodden. And Ms. Deluca was sighing to herself in relief; she thought her daughter was going to need to be on medication, but not anymore. Everything was looking up, until Maria got some bad news.  
Maria happily worked her way through the clothes strewn across the floor. She hummed loudly at finding her favorite sweater; she threw it on the chair and began to scavenge for her jeans. Once she was dressed she yelled to her mom at the door, "Mom! I'm going out with Jason, K?"  
"Oh sure thing, honey!" her mother replied from the other side of the house.  
With that, Maria bounded out of the house across her yard. She heard the unmistakable grumbling of Jason's old Honda. He pushed the door open for her, "How's it going?"  
"Oh fine," she said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. She couldn't help but frown, something was nagging at her but she couldn't quite place it. She shrugged and clicked her seatbelt into place. Jason gunned the engine and they were off. Maria began fumbling with the radio until she came to an old rock song. She began gyrating to the music. Jason laughed at her. She stuck half her body out the window. She tossed back her blonde hair and yelled out in exhilaration "I'm free!"  
  
When Maria and Jason had arrived at the Crashdown, they took up a booth near the corner. They began to point and laugh and passerbies, the tourists were a crack up, with their little alien memorabilia and scientific theories on the Roswell crash. If they only knew! Soon Liz arrived at their table. "Hey guys! How's it going?"  
"Great. How's the traffic? Have the tourists try to interrogate you about aliens?"  
Liz smirked at her, "No, not yet but I guarantee it's gonna happen.so what can I get ya?"  
"Just two vanilla shakes."  
"Two milkshakes it is then." Liz flipped her order book closed and retreated to the back. Maria watched her go and couldn't help but think she was forgetting about something for the second time today.  
She looked over at Jason's shaggy brown head, "Jason. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Is there anything my mother told me to do?" She whined.  
He frowned, "You seem kinda upset about it, is it important?"  
"I think it is." She replied. She sighed loudly and began digging around in her purse for her oils. In the mean time Liz arrived with their drinks.  
"Drink up," she said and went to another table. Maria looked up at Jason to see him staring at her.  
"What are you looking at? Do I have something in my teeth?"  
"No, I'm just looking at a beautiful girl," he said completely seriously.  
Maria blushed and stared down at her milkshake. She took a sip of it. 'That's strange' she thought, 'I usually love this kind.' She furrowed her brows and said to Jason, "It doesn't taste right." With that, she unconsciously dove for a bottle on the en of the table and began to apply it to her milkshake. She then sipped her shake and smiled "Just right."  
"Eww, gag me! Do you realize what you just put in that? Tabasco sauce!"  
"What!" she exclaimed loudly.  
Jason rolled his eyes "Jesus, girls are sure weird!" Maria looked at the bottle in her hand. "I cannot believe this!" "Hey, Maria are you alright?" he asked n a worried tone at seeing her paled face. "Is something the matter?" "I think I'm going to be sick." She said. With that Maria ran to the back of the café where the bathroom was. What the hell was happening to her? Was Michael coming back to haunt her? She shivered inwardly. Bile began to rise in her throat. She leapt to the bathroom stall and threw up. At that moment she finally discovered what she had forgotten and it made her want to be sick again. 


	5. Chapter 5

6 Months Later  
  
Maria slowly but surely began her walk up the stairs. *What a pain in the ass* She began to rub the small of her back; she was sore and desperately needed sleep and a bottle of Advil. In bed she shifted around to find the most comfortable position. But, she was unsuccessful, giving up she lay looking up at her ceiling. Jason was downstairs fixing her some lunch; she could hear him clanking around. *At least he won't burn the house down, he's gonna be a certified cook soon.* Maria sighed deeply and eased over on her side and grabbed a magazine lying on the floor. Liz had bought a whole boatload after she found out that Maria would probably be confined to the bed for a long time.  
  
For the past six months she had been going through a hell that most teenagers rarely experience. The night after she threw up she visited the pharmacy with Jason. She took five different pregnancy tests and each came out positive. It scared her at first and she couldn't deal with it. Of course she knew who the father was, Michael. If he was here, it would be a lot better for her, knowing him he probably would have freaked, but it would have been at least comforting hysteria. Thank God she had Jason. He'd shown so much compassion, though she thought that he would leave her in an instant after she took the tests. He was being really supportive; he stood up for her and helped her through some of the tough stages of pregnancy, at least al the barfing was over. Maria was scared of lots of things especially the fact of raising a baby without it knowing its true father, afraid of not being good enough for it. These thoughts easily provoked her and made tears spring to her eyes. "Your being stupid Maria," she wailed to herself as she angrily wiped away her tears. She continued to flip through the magazine without comprehending a thing; all she could see was blurry shapes skewed by unshed tears.  
  
At that moment she could hear Jason yell at her from downstairs, "Lunch is ready!" She slowly slid off the bed, the bulge on her stomach making even that simple task an extreme undertaking. When she got downstairs Jason was waiting for her. He held up a spoon for her, "Taste," he chided. She took it and sipped. He watched her intently for a reaction.  
  
She smiled, "It's great, Jason. What kind is that?"  
  
"A special vegetable type, it'll give you and junior some well needed vitamins." She laughed and sat down at the table. He set a bowl in front of her with a spoon. "Ah, I almost forget," he said as he fetched a bottle of Tabasco for her. "Eat up." He commanded lovingly.  
  
They ate together and talked. Their conversation spanned from politics to types of baby diapers. Jason held firm on the fact that hugs were the best. Jason never seemed to cease to make her laugh, with his goofy smile and how he would flop his dark curly hair around. They were talking when abruptly Maria said, "She's kicking."  
  
"Oh, really?" he said with interest, "Can I feel it?" She smiled and nodded her head with a yes. He smiled back at her and hesitantly rested his hands on her round belly. His eyes grew wide with wonder of each little thump he could feel. After a minute he took his hands away.  
  
"Wow, that's really something. How often does she do that?"  
  
"She does it pretty often."  
  
"Must be pretty fiery, like her mother."  
  
"Hey!" she said as she slapped him on the arm.  
  
"He feigned hurt, "Hey that hurt!" They began an ambush of insults on each others paired with laughs and the occasional playful punch.  
  
When the plates were cleaned up Jason and Maria went to the den. Maria began flipping through the channels making comments about people on the set. Jason lay all the while sprawled out on the couch listening. Bored, and not pleased with any of the programs she threw down the remote. She immediately walked over to the couch and sat next to Jason.  
  
He opened his eyes at her arrival and brushed back her hair. She smiled inwardly as he pulled her down on top of him. He laid a soft, tender kiss on her lips. She looked in his golden eyes and felt his fingers travel up her spine. She sighed and pulled him into a deep kiss. He began nibbling her lip tenderly and then worked down her neck. Maria moaned as he swirled his tongue n the hollow of her throat. He nibbled on the soft skin on her collar bone. He then took her in mouth in his again. His hands were warm, and were wrapped around her waist.  
  
She took her finger and placed it gently on his lips, she traced the finger down his chest, feeling every muscle spasm on the way. She laughed throatily at his reaction and kissed him again. Finally he spoke in a husky voice, "We shouldn't go any farther."  
  
She kissed him again and nodded against his chest. She was a little disappointed but she knew that it was probably only for the best. She sighed and began to feel the effects of fatigue. "I'm tired," she said quietly. At that, he gently took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. 


	6. Chapter 6

Three Days Later  
~Crashdown~  
  
Maria could see that things were winding down at the café. The flow of hungry customers had substantially decreased so that thare was only a couple sitting in a far corner booth. Since Maria didn't cover that table she assumed the role of closing down for the night. This was her favorite time at the Crashdown. When things were quiet and peaceful. She began wiping down the counter and stacking chairs as she heard the light tinkling of the door charm, indicating the entry of a new customer.  
"I'm sorry but the café is closing..." she said as she wiped her hands on the dishrag she was cleaning with. And when she didn't hear the bell chiming telling her the person had left a surge of agitation rushed through her. "God, some people..." she thought to herself but said aloud, "Come on, buddy, the Crashd-" But she was cut off by what she was about to say when she looked up and was caught in a pair of intense chocolate-brown eyes. Micheal eyes. Startled and disoriented just by the mere sight of the piercing orbs Maria dropped the chair she was about to stack. She stooped over to pick up the fallen item, shaking her head in denial. "Micheal couldn't be here..." she thought, "My mind is just playing tricks on me."  
And sure enough when she lifted her gaze upon the figure in front of her, she definitely did not see Micheal. In a second Jason's golden concerned eyes filled her vision. "How could she have mistaken him for Micheal? The boy in front of her was much kinder, more sensitive, and dependable than her late lover. And right now he could tell something was wrong... and he wanted desperately too help..."  
"You O.K., Maria?" Jason asked bringing her temporarily out of her stupor. She vaguely noticed that he was trying to help her stack the chair she held rigidly in her grasp. She also noticed the true concern in his deep voice with the simple question.  
She nodded profusely in response and when he looked unconvinced she smiled at him ruefully. "I-I'm fine. Absolutely fine, except you nearly gave me a heart-attack," she teased as she whacked him playfully on the shoulder.  
He laughed tenderly at the girls antics and began helping her clean- up. As they worked Maria was brought back to her thoughts of Micheal and what it meant seeing signs of him in such an unexpected time. In the beginning of Micheal's departure Maria thought about him all the time. But lately her thoughts were consumed by the new baby and of course... her new boyfriend, Jason. What brought on her unexpected vision of Micheal was beyond her, and to tell the truth, she didn't want to delve into it any deeper. She was started to move on with her life and her heart. She didn't want memories of Micheal to disrupt with her current relationship... She wouldn't let it. Micheal was gone now, and it was in her right to be happy without him. And with that thought Maria was filled with determination and resolve. She would live her life, be happy and let her ew daughter be happy too.  
A few minutes into the silence that followed after the couple in the corner boothe had left Liz came from the kitchen of the restaurant. She was decked out in full "alien waitress" uniform, antennas and all. Her friend was carrying a large load of dirty dishes to be washed. Maris rushed over to help her with the load. "Oh, thanks, Maria. Hi, Jason," Liz said her voice strained due to trying to handle the pile of dishes.  
"Jason, wanna help us out eith the dishes," she asked raising her eyebrows questionly.  
"Well..." he replied mock thoughtfully," It might ruin my hands to do such hard labor..."  
Maria smirked at him grabbing him by the sleeve and dragging him to the sink against his comical protests. Liz was laughing and her friends. "Jason you wash, I'll rinse and Liz, you can dry," Maria said directing her friends about.  
"Well, we're bossy! Now aren't we Deluca?" Liz replied huffily.  
"More work, less talk, Ms. Parker," Maria retorted mocking the voice of one of their less liked teachers.  
"I'm gonna have to agree with Liz on this one, Mars.." Jason said playfully passing off a plate to her to rinse.  
Maria raised her eyebrow and was about to reply snidely when a shot of pain raised through her round abdomen. She let out an anguished cry as pain started to encompass her belly entirely, causing her to drop the plate on the ground. Now on the ground Liz stooped over her, worried. "Maria, what is it?"  
Maria had not time to reply when another feroucious bout of pain lanced through her and she bit her lip to keep out a scream. "Oh my god!" Liz gasped as she noticed as a puddle of water began to collect around Maria's. "Jason, her water broke!" Liz yelled to the boy who had already rushed to the phone.  
When he returned to Maria's side he said, "We've got to get her to a hospital!" He hastily picked Maria up, off the ground and instructed Liz to get the keys to her car.  
Liz vaulted for the key's to Maria's car as Jason managed to carry the girl in his arms out to where her car was parked. When Liz returned and unlocked the backseat Jason carefully laid Maria down on the seat as she softly protested against the pain. Liz slipped into the back with her and cooed comforts to her friend as she stroked her blonde hair. Jason whipped around to the front of the ca, jumping into the drivers seat and hurriedly turning the keys to start the engine.  
Liz had to hang on to the door handle, needing to brace her self and franticly hanging on for her life, as Jason drove like a mad man through the streets of Roswell.  
When Jason began driving lthe car in the direction of the local hospital , Maria thought of her mom. Breathing hard and fast she managed to form a coherent sentence in which she asked Liz of her mother's whereabouts.  
"Don't worry," Liz reassured," Jason'll call her on the cell. Just breath..."  
  
Hours Later  
~At the Hospital~  
  
Maria was screaming numerous obscenities at the top of her lungs as she was pulled on a stretcher to the delivery room. Some of these were ones Jason had actually never heard before. She was damning the doctor to hell as her bed turned the final corner into the room. But it was not only cussing that came out of her mouth it was screams of anguish and pain that made his head reel. It was disheartening to see her in such pain when there was absolutely nothing in his power to do except hold her hand . Even that was nearly bareable because she had a vice like grip on his fingers and could vaguely feel the pain that came along with little blood circulation. He felt springs of guilt and pain go therough him as he saw the face of the girl he loved contort in pain, and inwardly he thanked God he was a male. He knew he wasn't going to ba able to stand it much longer so he was relieved when the nurse informed him her contractions were getting more violent and little Marcella, the name that Maria had decided for her baby- girl, would see the world very soon.  
The next few minutes wet by in a blur with lots of noise and confusion. He remembered chanting 'push, push' to Maria and the doctor telling them he saw the baby's head. And then... a cry sounded throughout the hospital room. He could hear Marcella's first cry of life, he was able to be there for it.  
In a few seconds the blur and confusion seemed to fade around him. The sounds of beeping machines and nurses voices all faded away into a haze. But his senses became accurately acute on one thing. One living, breathing thing that was squirming in the doctors hands. She was feebly waving at the air, crying mightily with her tiny little lungs. He marveled at her delicacy and the instantaneous love he felt for the little girl. Almost like he was her real father.  
Within a few seconds the baby was handed to her mother. Maria wrapped her in her own arms crying freely at the sight of her little girl. He saw the devotion and the love in her eyes, the unconditional love that embodied the relationship between the mother and daughter. And then Maria looked at him. Her face was sweaty and her eyes shing with joy. And he could hear her whisper to Marcella, "Meet your father, Mars.."  
Marcella looked at them her brown eyes meeting his and in that moment he knew. Despite the fact that he was not her biological father, he was her father in the sense of love and security. He wanted to see this girl grow past a little baby and wanted to help her do so. He wanted to know that he helped her be a strong and proud young woman. Jason reached out his arms taking the bundle of life and warmth that was Marcella and lending her his own warmth and love by holding her. Tears flowed down his cheeks with no sign of stopping. He didn't when he had started crying but really didn't care. He was here with the two woman he loved most in life and was happy. 


End file.
